Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
