if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
