I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
