1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
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