I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
