Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
