You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I need a beard to bite.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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