I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
