i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
