hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
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