I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
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