I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
