Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
