he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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