Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
