So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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