They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
