i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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