I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
