i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
