I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
