dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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