You smell like stripper and shame
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
