So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
