so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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