she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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