Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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