I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
