I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
