I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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