....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
