is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
