it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
