Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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