Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
What a dumb baby whore.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
