What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Sober January is a disaster.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
