Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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