we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
