I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
