I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
why is half of my head shaved?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
