his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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