The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Did you pee in the oven last night??
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
