Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
