my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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