I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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