it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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