I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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