the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
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I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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