I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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