this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
