so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
