How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
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