You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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