I'm laying in your front yard are you home
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
