Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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