and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
