She announced her abortion via fbk
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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