I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
