it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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