i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
