I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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