I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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