i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
