We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
