Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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