hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
