Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
