Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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