I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
