We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
